I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. Your father is insecure as he is threatened by your independence. At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I drew people in for hours. Probably because for my public school career I was bullied. They want kids who they can easily control, and they are highly threatened by those who exhibit a more independent nature. In fact, I would no more want to know the blow-by-blow of my daughter’s grades than I’d want to know my daily Amazon rank or the fluctuating amount of cash in my 401(k). What do I do? The other day she told me she she'd never forgiven me for accepting a biscuit from a neighbour when I was just 3. But would be a beauty if I had confidence. I hung out in my cave like room or over at my friend's house as a teen. Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. :). I've seen a few therapist and a psychologist by my own free will trying to get better. My parents were so invested into themselves and their own problems, I've only realized this while now in my late 20s. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. Do you think that your parents love you through whatever? I don't think she knows how to help me anymore. I think the other parents wanted them to practice with me but I was just a girl so they put me in left field. But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. Parents give lip service to boosting their children's self-esteem, often thinking that over-loading them with praise is the answer. Children need praise in order to assess the positivity of their performance and to continue with such behavior. What can I do? Question: I feel like my parents do not trust me. My dad works 4 am - 8pm so he is just too tired to react or support me. Really I'd put my soul in it. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. You should first discuss this matter to your father; however, if he isn't receptive, discuss the matter w/a trusted relative or better yet, a counselor. My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders... Ahh. The violence at home had gotten so extreme I'd vomit before class so my stomach would be in less knots. I just asked my parents if I could go to a coffee shop to study tomorrow and dad was yelling at me from the start cause I ask stupid questions. Family doesn't mean blood all the time. I get a 92 and she gets mad at me. Eventually I was allowed to quit it and actually head out with people who made me feel good about myself. All throughout my childhood i knew i had an abusive mother because one of my teachers in elementary opened my eyes. Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. This is wrong as each child is unique. God bless. In fact, a study by Laurence Steinberg, Julie Elmen, and Nina Mounts, found that students who are raised in homes with parents using an authoritative approach earn higher grades in schools than their peers. His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. Often these kids do end up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret. The first therapist was more faith/spirit minded. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. This has ruined a career, now I have to retrain for something else. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. Her love and support balance out the suffocating negativity coming from my father & help me believe in myself . Question: What should I do when my mother prevents me from doing things I want? 9 years they have been grumbling and criticizing my choice of freelance self-employment only because I dashed their dreams of being gainfully employed in the system. 13 Answers. It was how my mom and dad were raised. I have big concern for a friend. The more self‑protective a person is, the more he or she will act out his or her defenses on the child and progressively fail to perceive the child correctly and encourage healthy development. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didn’t work hard enough. But an under-achiever. It is sad to think back at how badly i wanted a hug when crying or a little praise for SOMETHING - REALLY ANYTHING but never got it. last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. This kind of negative speaking has made me just want to be alone forever. Haven't seen or talked to them in months now. I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. Talk to a school counselor regarding your parents. Internal beauty is far more important than outer beauty. The current perception of the importance of grades in academia dumbfounds me, because I think that by caring too much about grades, most students are missing the point of education. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! You shouldn't have to endure such abuse from your mother & sister. (I am seventy-four.). Students who experience bullying fear going to school. For example, like going to school. but I go to a rich midwest school school so my class rank was 94 out of 149. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their child when in fact, they are causing harm instead. I 've enjoyed this reading, nos I'am 60 years old, I lived difficult times when I was a child, fue this, I could not to be married, now I feel that need father's Love, I feel better when older men give me his friendchip. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. Didn't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere. Yeah right to my face and I was only 11or 12! Some parents are more lenient, some parents don't care, other parents are like yours. Answer Save. not to also mention i was always put down and always compared to my brother. I was 16 when I graduated high school (I skipped a grade after my parents received this letter), so my peers were bigger, stronger, and faster than me for many years. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? I have low self esteem and an inferiority complex. She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. How can we help children and teens who have low self-esteem? My parents acted like this was the end of the world, told me I will never be able to get into college with my grades, that I was lazy (even though I try really hard), that I'm an embarrassment to the family and am shutting doors for myself and my future, tell me I have terrible priorities, and are about to ban me from all technology. I wasn't able to have a childhood after, I believe i had a third sibling? So I was destined to be a servant. Maybe he/she could intervene on your behalf. Let's discuss the signs of bad parenting, what side effects it can have on children, and tips on how to be a better parent. now i have reason to believe that my parents are horrible. You don't need such people in your life. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 20, 2018: Get help & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your family. I just want to be a truck driver, which I now am and I love it. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 03, 2018: Please seek counselling. I'll be joining Jujitsu next once I take my health back. Parents should strive to take their own egos out of the equation and instead focus on what the child needs. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way.